Warmth
by RoryReneeMercedees
Summary: A brief character study on Damon Salvatore. His thoughts and feelings surrounding Elena and Katherine, and why Damon fell out of love with Katherine and into love with Elena . Focus's more on first season. :


AN: It has been a long time since I have written anything for this website; however, I have recently become taken to the show _The Vampire Diaries_. I have a strange attraction to Damon, and have wanted to do a character study on him for quite some time. I do not know if this will turn out well, but I would love any and all reviews no matter the outcome.

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It had been a long time since he had seen that face. Too long. The soft features and warm, inviting smile that had not blessed his presence in one hundred years shattered the hard wall of glass that had formed around his heart. He felt his face flush, his heart beating faster, and his whole body go numb. The sight of her, here, after so long made him feel warm after so long of being alone.

But this reaction was cruel, because it was not her. Katherine's smile had never been warm or inviting; her lips knew only playful and mischievous. Katherine had never made him feel warm, either. She made him react. She made him angry or feel helpless. She made want and crave. She made him insane, at times, but she had never once made him feel warm as he did right now. But this was not the cruel part; this girl, who looked exactly like Damon's once lover, was alive and well. Katherine did not have this luxury.

The truth of the matter was that Katherine had not been technically alive for many, many years. As a vampire, she had been a nonliving-living parasite for many years. She had once fed on him, once kissed and loved him. Now, he trembled to think of what had become of her. What he had let come on her.

He hated himself, for being what he was, and for trusting his brother. He hated his brother, who trusted his father. He hated his father because of his ridiculous hatred for vampires. He hated all vampires for even existing, for destroying his life and making him just like them. He hated that he had fallen in love with Katherine at all, and he hated how she had enjoyed tearing Stefan and him apart. He hated that he had let her, that he had even met her! He hated that looking at this girl, Elena, made him remember so much about Katherine. He hated that the thought of Katherine made him feel weak and lonely and scared and awful. He hated that he still felt like this, but most of all he hated that he could not make it stop.

Damon was angry; he was awful and cruel. He was a predator that enjoyed the game. He was vile, cruel, and unjust. And he enjoyed every second of it. He could make someone feel so much terror, so much pain, that when death came, it was a gift that he had bestowed on them, for which if they had some spiritual afterlife- which he highly doubted- they would praise his name. He enjoyed when they screamed; when they begged; when they bargained and pleaded. He made his victims feel every sort of awful, and destroyed them. The vampire inside him loved this; it enjoyed it to no end.

The Damon inside- the part of Damon which was passionate, too eager to fall in love and to please, full of rash decisions, and rebelliousness- died each time his vampire side came to play. It saw the broken eyes that knew what was coming, it watched as they whites left the eyes, it screamed as the victims screamed, it fought with the victim, but it could not win. The very essence of Damon had been reduced to nothing since Katherine had been away, and could do nothing more than pound its little fists against a steal door and pray that one day the door would break.

He engaged in double meaning conversations with this girl, and was pleased to find her as intelligent and witty as himself. She played his game, but did not let him win. She was an equal match and opponent, yet she was not in control. Nor did she wish to control him.

She made him feel different. The warmth he felt at the sight of her, thinking stupidly for a brief second that it could be Katherine, had not left him. He felt awake and alive in a way that he could not ever remember feeling- even around Katherine. He could not say that enjoyed this warmth, either. He had spent too much time alone and fighting to feel this warmth for him to enjoy it; he could not understand why he was feeling this way about this girl. She was no one to him, even if she did play his game as no one had ever played- as he had not been able to play when Katherine had been in his role and he in Elena's.

He knew what was happening; he was not stupid. He could feel it happening, and was desperate to stop it, but he could not do anything. He kept putting himself in harm's way, kept finding excuses to be around her. At first, it was just to get a reaction from his brother. Now it was because she would look him in the eyes and tell him the truth, even if Stefan told her that he was cruel and unkind. It was that somehow she had broken through the hard exterior, and saw underneath it. She managed to see that he did care about something, that his hate was connected to so much love that it was unbearable for him. She understood and sympathized, when she had every right to hate him. She was generous and kind and loving. And Damon did not know how to handle this.

He had only ever known Katherine. Katherine, who wanted only for herself. Whose selfishness knew no bounds, and whose whims took everyone with her. Katherine, who he had wanted so badly and for so long, had never made him feel warm. He never felt like he was enough when she was around. Elena made him want to be better, but he felt like he could attain better. _She_ made him better; Katherine made him broken and weak.

But it was Katherine who he had come back for, and Katherine he was leaving with. Elena was in love with his brother, and was good enough to befriend her. He would not ruin her happiness. He had loved Katherine once, and he could do it again. He convinced himself that Katherine had just been away for so long and that he was just lonely. The moment he saw Katherine, however, he'd forget about Elena. Maybe, they could all be happy then.

For the first time in a long time, Damon hoped. Things could only get better after these hundred years of misery. Everything was so close; everyone was board. Elena confirmed it. She was helping him; she was his friend. Things would be better; he would be happy again. He would not be angry anymore; he would not hate anymore. It would be better. And Damon believed it. He let himself believe it. It was all he had ever wanted as a vampire and it was so close. He was so close to happy, so close to finally getting something that made him feel good.

They opened the tomb, and Damon was elated. He was so close! So freaking close! But as he searched, he did not find. He looked and looked and relooked. But Katherine was not there. All this time, all this misery, for nothing. She was not there.

He felt empty again, but it was worse this time. He meant nothing to her; Katherine had never loved him. If she had, she could not have done what she had done. He had been so close; so desperately close to finally being happy, but she had never wanted Damon to be happy. She was his plaything. He was nothing.

But he had always known that. If she had loved him, she never would have been with his brother. If she had loved him, she would not have made him do so much just to be with her. If she had loved him, she would have turned him, and they would have left together. If she had loved him, she would have been more careful. She would not have killed with reckless abandon; she would have used caution, knowing that she had something to stay for. If she had cared, she would have confided in him.

Elena's arms wrapped around him, and she whispered her condolences, but still he felt nothing. He was, and had always been, nothing. Katherine had made sure of that.

AN: So, what did you think? Review!


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